Day 2

So on February 22nd, before I went out that night, (technically day 2, since it's now 2am on day 3), I was thinking of a few topics I wanted to tackle in the latest post. Last night, I was eating a delicious dinner at Alhambra Apartments, when someone who I shall call "Nicole" asked me how I would handle temptation. Specifically, she said "what are you going to do if someone intentionally tries to make you break it?" Well first of all, I would enjoy myself, because any attempt by anyone to break this Lent is sure to be entertaining. The difficult part will be stopping this person just short of the threshold I have set for myself, outlined at the top of this blog. As fate would have it, I was about 24 hours away from my first real test.

But before I get to that, I'd like to review my mindset at the moment. All is well, except the desire to do things (masturbate, mostly) is magnified by the fact that I am unable to do it. I sometimes think, "c'mon, no one would know," but that's not true, because I would know, and I'd be letting myself down. And besides, not even making it a week would be just pathetic. In other news, I took a nap today from 3pm-5pm, and had my first legitimate sex dream of Lent. It wasn't with anyone in particular, more of a random person, but that I had it so early on in this process is a bit disconcerting.

However, let's move on to the good news. Tonight I looked temptation in the eye, and made that bitch blink. To begin, let's lay the scene. It's a Thursday evening in Davis, which means I am going to Cafe Bernardo's and then Cantina's. Bernardos was innocent enough, I just knocked back a few wikis, which does nothing for me anymore, and then went to Cantina's. Cantina's is where the trouble started. Now let's lay out the evening's characters. First is "Sarah," someone who I always found very attractive, and was friendly with, but nothing more. Next, is "Emma," who I am very good friends with, and sometimes hook up with when I'm drunk, even though I wouldn't call her 'hot,' per se. Lastly, "Pam," is someone who I always thought was hot, but never thought of doing anything with.

Sarah was nothing. Had I not been on Lent, I might have pursued more vigorously, but as it stood, I was content to hang out with her, chat briefly, and leave it at that. Emma was slightly more intriguing, but still did not push me very hard. She was drunk beyond belief, and I was a bit buzzed, so we danced for a little while, briefly brought up how my vow of abstinence precluded our doing anything, and called it a night. The real trouble came with Pam. Pam and I have been good friends for a long time, but became better friends recently. She knows about what I am doing for lent, and mentioned several times during the night that it sucked that I was doing that. For one reason or another we had never done anything before, but tonight she tried stuff. Lots of stuff. In all fairness, she was quite drunk, and I was reasonably buzzed, but yes, Pam brought the first serious challenge to my chastity. Whenever the two of us were alone, she made deliberate attempts to "move in," at several differnent locations, and fighting these off was significantly harder than taking the LSAT two weeks ago.

I survived. Barely. And perhaps the hardest part was coming home and not taking care of things myself. Fuck. I hate my life.